6 HUGE Mistakes Busy Wives Overlook
Nowadays, us Muslim women are so busy being wives and mothers, life seems to get busier and busier. We have never-ending chores like the laundry, cooking and cleaning and even when our spouses aid us, we still seem to be left with so much more still to do! Let’s discuss the busy wives epidemic in today’s society and mistakes we shouldn’t overlook in our increasingly busy lives.
Our limited free time usually goes on our phones or social media, chatting with friends, or trying to squeeze in time for a book, let alone trying to arrange dates with friends.
Women are true pillars of support to their husbands and their children, they keep families together with their love and affection. However, increasingly us Muslim women constantly feel we are in a juggling act between ourselves, our spouses and our children, not to mention our own work, the ‘busy wives’ syndrome is epidemic in today’s society,
But by our very nature, we continue to persevere with our increasingly longer task lists and place unrealistic expectations on ourselves until we get to a point of burn out, break-down or close to it. We tend to give and support everyone around us but forget about caring for ourselves.
We usually run ourselves ragged until our battery goes completely flat, and then something has to give. Either our husbands or our children feel the brunt of our irritable behaviour, or we keep it bottled up inside, gnawing away at us slowly, until without realising, it begins to have a detrimental impact on our mental state and our health.
However, we forget that we are hurting not only ourselves in the process but also our spouses, our children and those around us. If we want happy, healthy relationships with those around us, we have to be content and at peace with ourselves.
We need to take a step back and think about ourselves. We can only happily pour from a cup that is full. What can we expect to give, if we are trying to pour from an empty cup? How can we give our love, care and affection to others if we have trouble caring for ourselves?
We should remember not to overlook and neglect the following things in our lives, especially when feeling overwhelmed or overburdened:
Stop neglecting your own self-care
We need to respect ourselves and love ourselves in order to spread our joy and love to others. When we are happy and at peace, we can spread this to our family to create harmony in our lives. Make sure you take time out daily for yourself, this doesn’t have to be a couple of hours a day, it can be as short as a ten-minute break to feel refreshed and rejuvenated. Think about things that make you feel relaxed, rejuvenated and bring you joy, perhaps reading a book, having a cup of tea, meeting friends, having a bath, having a massage, a fitness session or anything that makes you feel relaxed and contented and rejuvenated.
A good way to relax and unwind is having a bath with Epsom salts and some drop of essential Lavender oil. These help to detox and relax the mind and body. For those women with young children, ask your husbands to keep the child or baby, even while you have a short bath in peace, we know how hard it is, but this will help you and help you care for your loved ones and babies!
When we have stress our cortisol levels rise and constantly being in this state huge detrimental long-term impact on our health and immunity. It’s very important for us to de-stress and indulge in self-care. If you can afford to splash out then go to a female spa, or even a regular visit to a sauna is good for health.
Try to attend a keep fit class, and do some regular keep fit, walking or jogging, this helps release endorphins which are good to de-stress and relax.
Don’t forget to give your spouse’s attention
Women who are stressed and super busy tend may ignore their husband’s intimate needs in the bedroom. When we are stressed, the last thing on our mind is intimacy. Yet being intimate with our spouse will help us feel calmer too and bring us closer not only physically but emotionally. When we ignore our husband’s intimate needs, they in turn become cold and uptight, which in turn leads us to feel that we are not being supported. Yet they are feeling hurt and neglected, so it turns into a vicious cycle.
Men’s physical connection is also part of their emotional connection to us, which women tend to overlook. Men love their wives to be happy and cheerful, the greatest turn off is a moaning or an irritable wife. When we radiate joy and happiness and love, they reciprocate that behaviour and in turn, we feel more loved.
If our spouses are not showing their affection to us, we need to stop and think is it really us that’s turning them away. Are we feeling stressed and overwhelmed? If this is the case, we need to look at ways we can unwind and do something that makes us feel good about ourselves.
Not saying ‘no’ when we really want to
Women have a tendency to always take on more than they really should. It’s okay to say ‘no’ sometimes. It’s ok to have boundaries and to respect yourself. Our health and our time are of the utmost importance. We should prioritise our time with things that are important to us, make a list of tasks or goals and include self-care and time out as one of them. When someone needs us to help them, we can prioritise it and sometimes it’s not as urgent as we make out it is.
When we get run down and stressed, it impacts our immunity and health, making us feel lethargic and tired which in turn makes us feel less able to carry out our chores. We should say ‘no’ when we need time for ourselves. When we learn to respect the boundaries of ourselves, others around us will learn to respect them too.
Women who have more boundaries and respect themselves, gain more respect and support from those around them. We don’t have to always be the superwoman and we don’t have to try and live up to other people’s expectations of us.
Make time for your Lord
In our busy lives, we run around after others whether it is at home or at work, yet we forget our main priorities. Our first priority should be our Lord and pleasing Him. We should remember that this world is transient and is passing us by, so we should never forget nor neglect our worship.
When we draw closer to the Almighty, He creates a sense of calm and peace within us. This radiates outwardly and effects our family positively. We should always take some time out for meditation (dhikr) and prayer and to recite the Quran daily. Our time is precious and we should use it wisely.
While we are trying to balance and juggle our relationships and busy schedules, we forget to strengthen our link with Allah (swt) and the more we slip away more from Him, the more we feel increasingly burdened and more drained. It’s important for us to take time out to reflect on our real purpose in life and real peace in our lives.
Stop comparing yourself to others
The grass always seems greener on the other side, yet this rarely is the case. In this social media world, we only get to see the part of people’s lives that they want us to see. Everyone in life is going through their own struggles and journeys that we know nothing about. Focus on yourself, your family and your life and be grateful for everything you have. “If you are grateful, I will surely increase you” (14:7 Quran).
Stop over-thinking and over-analysing everything
As women, we tend to over-think and over analyse everything. We should always try our best then learn to let go and relax. Nothing is perfect in this world, so focus on what is important in the grand scheme of this transient life. Stop thinking of yourself as a ‘busy wife’ and start focusing on what’s important. Focus on your real obligations towards your family and strengthening that bond. Focus on bringing up your kids in a God-conscious way who are happy and balanced, focus on fulfilling your goals and aspirations in your work but have the intention of work to help your families and help others and society, by using your skills for a greater purpose. Focus on strengthening your bond with your Lord, who will help you along your journey and give you peace and happiness in your heart.